Once saved, always saved?

I chose to be immoral

Who knew the guilt and shame would still follow me after everything I know as a Christian?

“I’m loved.

I’m loved.

I’m loved.

I’m now a new creation.”

This is something I never thought I’d have to remind myself about…

But lately, this devilish voice has been whispering in my ears all the atrocities I did in my past life and judging me

The funny thing is… all these happened in the past

Now I know better. Now I know who I am in Christ.

But the voice keeps trying to pull me down.

Let me start from the beginning…

When I mean atrocities in my past life, don’t think too far…

I didn’t kill anyone, neither was I a professional thief…

However, as hard as it is to admit, I was involved in sexual immorality. Yes, I let it happen. Sometimes I even initiated it…

But facing this now has been hard, do you know why?

I struggled with this even as a Christian.

Even after knowing that Jesus died for me and He wants me set apart for Himself, I chose to be unchaste.

I was preached the ‘Once saved, always saved’ gospel so I took it as a license to do whatever immoral act pleased my flesh…

Never have I admitted to anyone that even after praying in tongues, teaching the Word and leading stewards in my campus fellowship, this was something I struggled with.

As I’m writing this, it’s like a whole wave of shame is washing over me again.

And now, I’m only feeling this way because somewhere in my mind, a voice is telling me that when everyone dear to me knows, they’ll become disappointed and withdraw from me.

Is it fear?

Shame?

Guilt?

I know not.

Either way, they’re all from the same source — the enemy.

After Church yesterday, I sat on my bed and just broke down and cried. In fact, I crode.

And I was crying not because of my past…

But because I felt Jesus beckoning on me to rest in His embrace…

He didn’t see me the way I had been seeing myself…

He reminded me that my sins and iniquities, He didn’t remember again.

And that’s the most important thing.

If anyone else rejects me because of my past, that has nothing to do with me.

I’m currently right with God and living for Him.

If anyone can’t see me from the lens of Jesus, the best I can do is respect myself and step back.

I’m not who I was. I refuse to be seen as such. Even by myself.

I see myself as Christ sees me. Till I return to my maker, I remain the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.

To whoever (a true Christian) who’s still carrying the weight of the guilt and shame of their past sin even after repenting, you need to release yourself.

It’s time to stop carrying what Jesus already carried for you.

Let Isaiah 53 and Romans 8 come alive to you

Sending you the hugs and love I needed but never got because I refused to open up🫂❤️