It’s 9:50pm and I wouldn’t be expecting any call from anyone again by this time.
The only people permitted to call me from this time beyond are people I consider family (blood relatives and family by choice).
So mirror my shock when I get a call from my friend. Not family. Just friend.
At first I was like, “Why’s X calling me at this time?”
He was even calling on the phone I hate to pick calls on…
It took about 30 seconds to decide whether or not to pick before the call cut. So I picked.
And after the greetings, I asked the question dangling in the air…
“Are you okay?”
I could tell from the tone of his voice that he really wasn’t himself, but I also didn’t know if that’s just how his voice was in the nighttime.
So I needed to be sure…
“I’m not really okay”
“What’s going on?”
“I lost someone today.”
Yo. I froze.
I didn’t know how to feel. And I know he called because he needed comfort but I didn’t know what to say.
So I said a quick prayer in my heart for God to give me the right words.
And glory to God, HE came through.
What my friend was struggling with when he called me regarding the loss of his friend was that he had been numb since.
He hadn’t cried at all since he heard the news in the morning
And I could tell with the way he was explaining his numbness that he was starting to feel guilty.
So I said something to him which I’m just going to drop here for whoever is struggling with crying when they receive bad news…
Crying isn’t the only way to feel.
You lost someone, a job, an opportunity, and you don’t cry?
That doesn’t make you less of a person. It makes you human.
It means your body is still trying to process the shock of the news you just received. Just because crying has been normalized as the go to for feeling all sorts of emotions doesn’t mean it’s the only way to feel.
You should not feel guilty if you don’t cry at the sound of bad news. You should not feel guilty if you don’t cry at the sound of good news.
Stop pressuring yourself. You’re human. You’re different. Your body might react differently to news like this for different reasons.
It doesn’t mean the news doesn’t affect you. Your body just doesn’t know how to react yet and that’s okay. You hear? It’s okay.
So I went on to tell my friend that it’s not because he doesn’t miss the person or never loved the person he lost that he was feeling that way. His body just didn’t know how to mirror the pain and hole in his heart.
I asked him how he had been dealing with it throughout the day, and he said…
“I had to work.”
Omo!
Can we just talk about how life literally doesn’t wait for you to be human sometimes?
You lose someone but then there are still responsibilities to fulfill so you have to show up regardless of how you feel?
Sometimes, it’s not easy being human
It’s not easy showing up after losing someone
It’s not easy showing up after losing an opportunity
It’s not easy showing up for anything when life hits you hard
It’s not easy!
And that’s why I keep saying this, I can’t do this life without Jesus!!!
Because on the days I’d rather give up and just let life be moving on without me? He shows up as my strength
On the days when I feel so broken and would rather slip into depression? He shows up as my comforter
Sometimes, He shows up through the people in my life
Some other times, He shows up Himself
But everyday, as I call on Him, He shows up.
I’ve said a lot of things in this post already. But here’s how I’ll end this…
If you see an unusual call from a friend, please pick.
If I hadn’t picked his call tonight, he’d have probably gone to sleep with a very heavy heart
So even if you don’t check on your friends regularly because life is lifeing, pick their calls when it’s out of the blue.
Sometimes, Jesus needs you to show up as a comforter for others. Not because the Holy Spirit isn’t enough. But because we’re humans & we’re created for each other.
When God created Adam, why didn’t he just leave him alone in the garden? He had the presence of God to keep him company yet God said it wasn’t good for him to be alone? Phew! (We’ll continue this conversation another day).
But see ehn. In this life, inasmuch as you want other people to show up for you, show up for them.
We need each other to survive on this planet abeg. No one was meant to do life alone.
Till you hear from me…
I pray God gives us the strength, grace and wisdom to show up as His representative in our community in Jesus name. Amen.